Grief Bursts

What is it about today that tears start streaming down my face? There is no noticeable difference between today and yesterday or the day before that. 

I thought I was doing better. More able to keep myself together without as much effort. More able to find times of joy in everyday life.

But today is different. 

My heart is heavy and aches for my loved one.

My thoughts race to try and find an explanation but grasp at insignificant possible causes for my sudden overwhelming feelings of grief. Why do I have the intense need to explain this? I have lost someone so incredibly dear to me and my heart has been ripped in two. Of course my grief should come pouring out. 

With this acknowledgment, I allow for the tears to come. No holding back. I allow for myself to mourn. 

This is what I need today. To give myself permission to mourn my loss. To give myself permission to feel the pain in my heart. To give myself permission to wish for a different outcome. To give myself permission to grieve. 

I will not hide it. I will not stuff it down. 

As days, weeks, months and years pass, I realize I don’t mourn as often as before.

Gary Roe wrote “We grieve because we love.”

My grief will never go away because my love will never end.